How the first time works: from the idea to the day after

The first message: an insurmountable wall

For many women, the hardest part is sending that very first message. There is no guide, no YouTube tutorial promising results with a title like «5 ideas for what to write to a gigolo, number 5 will surprise you!»

There you are, staring at an empty chat, wondering how to write the perfect message.

You think about what to say, type something, then the doubts arrive. You read it again, rewrite it, delete everything and start over. You almost give up. And yet the films made it look so easy!

Let me tell you one thing, probably the most important of all: there is no perfect message.

There is no single right way to do it. You do not need to have everything worked out already, know exactly what you want or find the words to explain in a few lines why you are here. It is enough to write something, anything, and press send.

«I am curious to get to know you and would like to understand how it works» is a perfectly good place to start if nothing else comes to mind... that one is on the house!

When that message arrives, it comes directly to me. Nothing you write to me goes through an agency, an assistant or an intermediary: I am the one who reads it, and I am the one who replies.

I usually reply the same day, sometimes within an hour. If it takes me longer, it is because I would rather write to you when I can do so calmly.

At the beginning, that is enough. A little courage and two people starting to talk.

You can introduce yourself by your own name or one chosen for the occasion, tell me whatever you feel is appropriate, or remain a mystery.

And above all, a message is just a message. It is not a booking and it does not commit you to anything.

From digital to real: getting to know each other before we meet

After the first few messages, you will already know something about me. You have seen my photos, read my words, perhaps you have even started to imagine what I will be like in person. Even so, somewhere in the back of your mind you may feel the need to answer one question: «Is it really him?»

I will not ask you to trust my word alone. There are concrete ways to verify my identity, and I show them to you one by one on the Identity verification page.

There is still something no verification can tell you, though, because knowing that it really is me does not yet tell you what I am like.

A photograph does not laugh. A message does not tell you whether there is someone on the other side who genuinely listens or simply waits for their turn to speak.

That first phone call can feel even more daunting than the messages.

Until then, we have both had time to think about what to say; on the phone, there is no WhatsApp «typing...» to hide behind.

Perhaps we laugh at first, maybe even a little nervously, and one of us may open with the most ordinary «how are you?», because as soon as we start talking, all the interesting questions we prepared beforehand seem to have disappeared somewhere along the way.

The chat gives way to a voice, and it is the first real moment when I stop being a web page and take shape as a person.

If we then want to put a face to that voice, we can arrange a video call. Seeing each other while we talk is the quickest way to find out whether we are curious enough to meet in person.

A phone call and a video call are not compulsory steps. We might do both, choose just one or not feel the need for either; you can suggest them, just as I can.

And if, by then, a screen still feels like one filter too many, we can meet for a coffee when distance and travel make it easy.

Fifteen or twenty minutes in a quiet bar is enough, sitting at a small table with no phones between us. It is the most direct way to answer the question that, by then, is buzzing around in both our heads: what will it actually feel like to be together?

It is a meeting in its own right, with its own fee, agreed in advance and kept separate from whatever may come later. No expectations: it can simply be a coffee that ends with us saying goodbye.

Or we may finish our coffee and realise that we would both like to stay a little longer. If circumstances allow, we will decide together what comes next.

By then our conversations will have grown longer, perhaps with a few voice notes or photos, and it is natural to wonder what happens to those things once you send them. Here too, I would rather give you a concrete answer: on the Discretion page, I explain how I handle what we share and what happens to anything you entrust to me.

By the time you get here, the distance between digital and real has become much smaller. Behind that screen there is no longer just a contact in your phone; there is someone whose words you know, perhaps his voice, perhaps the way he smiles while he talks to you, perhaps even his scent.

Only the first genuinely practical question remains: how do we set up a meeting?

Where, how and when: planning the meeting

Setting a date is the point where intentions become concrete as we find an arrangement that works for both of us. Do you remember that dizzy feeling before sending the first message? That «okay, so I am really doing this»? It may come back for a second or two, but the good news is that things become much more straightforward from here, because almost everything comes down to a few practical decisions.

You do not need to have every detail decided in advance. By the time you move from imagining it to planning it, you will certainly have a clearer idea than you did at the start, but you do not need to know every detail beforehand. We will talk, choose the best date, and share ideas, expectations, curiosities and boundaries. Together we will set the framework and let the rest find its own rhythm.

Choosing how long to spend together does not need a rigid timetable either. If you are not sure how much time to give yourself at first, the best advice I can give you is to start with a shorter format: a simple first meeting that can always develop later, if we want it to, into an evening or something longer. Whether our first meeting lasts a couple of hours or an entire weekend makes no difference to the quality of presence; no duration makes one meeting more real than another.

But where do we meet? As a rule, I am the one who travels and comes to wherever you prefer: a hotel, accommodation chosen for the occasion, a private home or any other setting, public or private. If you have chosen a particular place, you will have your reasons and there is no need to explain them to me. If you would rather I arrange it, we can talk through the budget, details and any costs that need to be paid in advance. My home remains an exception: we talk about it case by case.

The date is officially secured once the deposit is paid. I do not ask for any advance payment for short meetings; for longer ones, there is a deposit to protect the time and commitment on both sides. All the practical details, accepted payment methods and conditions are on the Booking and payment page, together with information on changes and cancellations.

In a perfect world, unexpected things never happen and the champagne is always at the right temperature. In real life, plans can change for any of us, and if a date needs to be moved, we will not make a drama out of it: we will treat it as exactly that, a change of plan.

At this point, the details are in place and that date is no longer available to anyone else. From here, it is simply a matter of letting time pass, counting the hours or days between us with the curiosity that comes from knowing that something new is about to happen.

The day we meet

In the hours before we see each other, the clock stops behaving as it usually does: one hour flies by in a flash and the next seems as though it will never pass, leaving you with that particular tingling feeling of anticipation.

In the days beforehand, we will keep in touch to coordinate the last practical details, including when I will arrive, so nothing is left to decide at the last minute and neither of us has to improvise.

I will arrive dressed appropriately for the situation and for what we have discussed. If you have a particular style in mind, just tell me beforehand; otherwise, I will arrive as I would for any other meeting in that setting: well groomed and freshly showered. I will also bring everything we need to keep the meeting safe.

To anyone looking from the outside, we will simply be two people who have chosen to spend time together.

As for the remaining balance, you will choose when to pay it, at the beginning or the end of the meeting, depending on what makes you feel more comfortable; we will already have agreed on the payment method when we booked.

There is no way to describe the fascinating mix of emotions and adrenaline that marks the first few minutes together. It is part of what makes us human, what separates this from something mechanical, and what frightens and draws us in at the same time. What I can tell you is that you usually start to feel at ease much sooner than you imagined. Sometimes it is a genuine laugh, other times a sigh that releases all the tension that has built up.

From that point on, I want you to know one important thing: there is nothing to prove.

I am not there to judge anyone, and what happens between us is not a performance to be assessed.

Chemistry cannot be promised in advance, but what I can guarantee is that, if it is not there, neither of us will have to do anything out of politeness. We can stop at any time, with no obligation to see anything through or act on every fantasy we may have shared beforehand.

The day after: what remains and what changes

When everyday life picks up again, whatever remains of the meeting is yours.

You may feel lighter, want to linger on what happened, or simply get on with your day, without needing to put a label on what you experienced straight away.

For my part, although the tone of our communication will certainly be warmer and more familiar than in our first conversations, I will continue to respect the discreet and private nature of our acquaintance.

The same applies outside our meetings. If we ever happen to pass each other in the street, it will be up to you what happens in that moment: if you want to say hello, we will do so naturally.

And if you want to see me again, we will simply pick up where we left off. Next time there will be no first message to write, only the wish to see each other again.