From 5 to 11 October, Maspalomas hosted the first Swinger Pride Gran Canaria. Seven days of wild fun in the swingers’ clubs of the south of the island, meet-ups on boats and parties in the sunshine, in a destination long associated with sexual freedom, which every spring hosts one of the largest LGBTI Pride celebrations in Europe. The response was so positive that the organisers have already announced the 2027 edition.
But beyond the celebration, the event has shone a light on a way of experiencing sexuality that many couples had been quietly considering for some time, and that still sparks as much curiosity as misunderstanding. Because it is one thing to have heard of swinging, and quite another to know what it really involves, what it feels like from the inside and what leads two people who love each other to decide to share their intimacy with others.
If you have ever wondered about any of this, this is a world worth exploring with an open mind, but without romanticising it, and I want to tell you about it as I know it, from the inside and from the questions couples ask when they are thinking of trying it.
Swinger Pride Gran Canaria: why Maspalomas
The south of Gran Canaria offers a combination of qualities that is hard to find in other European destinations. The naturist tradition of its beaches, its well-established LGBTI community and a culture of hospitality used to welcoming people from very different backgrounds and lifestyles have created an environment where certain freedoms feel far more natural than they do elsewhere. It is no coincidence that Swinger Pride was born here; it was almost inevitable.
Far from any mystique or secrecy, Swinger Pride felt like a holiday for grown-ups, and it reminded us that in the lifestyle, what happens at the end of the night is only part of the story. Before that come the conversations that begin at the bar and go on without anyone looking at the clock, the knowing glances exchanged by couples who are just getting acquainted, and that interest that slowly turns into attraction. And sometimes a night that began with simply wanting to have a good time leaves something nobody had expected: a real connection, or a friendship that lasts long afterwards, inside and outside the clubs.
What is partner swapping, or swinging?
Partner swapping, more commonly known as swinging, is a practice in which two people in a committed relationship decide, freely and by mutual agreement, to share erotic or sexual experiences with other people, usually with other couples.
The fundamental difference from other forms of non-monogamous relationship lies in how partners approach that openness. In swinging, it is usually something couples do together: both partners make the decision, agree on the boundaries and see the experience as part of their shared life, not as a separate emotional relationship.
For those who practise it, it does not have to mean looking for something missing in their relationship. It can simply be a way to explore fantasies, discover other sides of desire and enjoy a more varied sex life without giving up the emotional commitment that binds them.
Some couples see it as a shared hobby. Others prefer to call it an occasional adventure, reserved for special occasions. Every couple finds its own balance. The couples who enjoy it most are those who made the decision together before arriving at the club, and for them the night will be a success whether or not anything happens with anyone else.
Swinging, open relationships and polyamory: how they differ
Although they are often used as if they were synonyms, swinging, open relationships and polyamory do not describe exactly the same thing.
Imagine three different ways of spending a Saturday. In the first, one partner has a date with someone else while the other makes their own plans. Both know about it and agree: this is an example of an open relationship, where partners can see other people without having to do so together.
In the second, one of the two has another romantic relationship, with affection, commitments and its own place in their life. Here we are talking about polyamory, a form of non-monogamy in which there can be several loving relationships, known to and accepted by everyone involved.
In the third, they decide to go to a lifestyle club together, meet other couples and, if the attraction is mutual and everyone agrees, share a sexual experience. That is swinging.
Of course, people combine these approaches in many ways and the boundaries are not always so clear. There are open couples who also swing and polyamorous people who are part of the lifestyle. The difference lies in the nature of the agreements and in the kind of relationship people want to build.
What all these forms of consensual non-monogamy have in common is something essential: everyone involved knows what is happening and agrees to it.
That is precisely why people in the lifestyle draw a clear distinction between swinging and infidelity. In a study carried out in Poland, none of the swingers interviewed considered going to a club together a form of cheating[1].
If you stop to think about it for a moment, the result makes complete sense. An encounter becomes a betrayal when one partner breaks an agreement, and in swinging boundaries still exist and are just as firm as in any other relationship; the difference is that the two partners have set them together and both know exactly where the lines are before the night begins.
Nor should swinging be confused with cuckolding, a practice in which arousal is usually linked to watching their partner have sex with someone else, or knowing that it is happening. Although the two experiences can overlap in some situations, their motivations and dynamics are not necessarily the same.
The terms you will hear in a swingers’ club
In the lifestyle it is important to be at least a little familiar with some key words, because getting a term wrong can mean getting a boundary wrong.
The lifestyle, soft swap and full swap: what they mean
When a club calls itself a lifestyle club, or a couple uses the term on their profile, they are referring to an environment where people approach sexuality openly and respect different preferences.
The term is broader than swinging itself. It includes swingers, but also people who enjoy shared erotic play without necessarily going as far as swapping partners.
Two terms come up again and again:
- Soft swap (S/S): partner swapping with agreed limits on sexual activity. It can include kissing, caressing and, depending on each couple’s agreements, other forms of sexual contact, but without penetration with other people.
- Full swap (F/S): partner swapping that includes penetrative sex.
Some people enjoy soft swap for years without feeling any need to go further, and some know from the very first night that full swap is for them. Neither couple is ahead of the other.
The playground: same room, different room and parallel play
In lifestyle clubs, the playground is the area set aside for erotic encounters. Depending on the venue, it may have open spaces, private rooms, shared beds or areas where watching others is part of the experience.
Each venue sets its own rules on access and behaviour, and many take care of every last detail: condoms and lubricant available to everyone, rolls of paper by the beds, dedicated showers, toilets and lockers, and in some cases a pool, a jacuzzi or even a bar inside the playground itself.
Within that space, each couple also decides whether or not they want to stay together:
- Same room (SR): the couple stays together and in sight of each other during encounters. This lets them communicate easily, check that both are comfortable and share the whole experience while staying connected.
- Different room (DR): each partner has an encounter in a separate space, an option that requires especially clear agreements and confidence that those agreements will be honoured even when the other is not there.
There is also what is known as parallel play. Here, two or more couples share the same erotic space, sometimes even a bed, but each person has sex only with their own partner. The appeal lies in the presence of others, in watching and being watched, without any physical swapping.
For those who want to explore the lifestyle for the first time, parallel play can be a way of trying something new without changing the sexual limits of the relationship.
The upside-down pineapple and SSC
Like any community, the lifestyle has its own codes. Some help people recognise one another without a word, whether through a profile or something they wear. But one code in particular runs through everything, from the first conversation at the bar to the last decision of the night.
The best-known of these symbols is the upside-down pineapple. It has become popular as an emblem of the swinger world and appears on profiles, accessories and decorative objects. That does not mean that any upside-down pineapple necessarily identifies someone as a member of the community, but knowing the reference can save you from an amusing misunderstanding.
The other code, the most important one, is not something you put on a profile or wear on your wrist, but you notice it as soon as you spend some time in a good club: in the way people ask, wait for an answer and accept a no. It is the principle underpinning everything else, and it has a three-letter name: SSC, Safe, Sane and Consensual.
The concept comes from the BDSM world and is also used in other settings involving alternative sexual practices as a reminder that any practice must meet those three conditions.
In the end, sexual freedom means being able to decide what you do, how, and with whom.
Are you ready for swinging?
Before asking yourselves whether you want to try swinging, it is worth asking another question, far less exciting but much more important: how are we really doing as a couple?
There is no single type of couple that is ready for swinging. Nor do you need to have been together for twenty years or to have a perfect relationship, partly because perfect relationships do not exist.
What does help is trust, open communication and the ability to talk about difficult things without turning every disagreement into an argument.
Above all, you both need to be curious.
An experience like this is hard to enjoy if one of you takes part to please the other, out of fear of losing them or in the hope of solving problems that were already there. The decision has to belong to both of you, without pressure or a sense of obligation.
Research offers some interesting clues. Two American academics interviewed sixteen married couples who practised swinging, speaking to each partner separately. One factor repeatedly emerged as important to their satisfaction: open communication between partners[2].
A Polish study also found higher levels of secure attachment among the swingers than among the monogamous participants[1]. It is an interesting result, although it does not mean that swinging in itself produces more secure or stable relationships.
In fact, a review of 35 studies involving more than 24,000 participants found no significant overall difference in relationship satisfaction between monogamous people and people in consensually non-monogamous relationships[3].
This undermines two fairly widespread ideas: that opening up a couple’s sex life necessarily damages the relationship, and that doing so is a guaranteed way to improve it.
Swinging is not an inevitable threat to a strong relationship, but nor is it a cure for a relationship in trouble.
I already mentioned this when I wrote about having a threesome as a couple: before inviting other people into your sex life, it is important to understand what you are looking for and why.
Perhaps the best sign that you are ready is being able to say “I would rather not” and feel reassured in the knowledge that the answer will be respected.
What swinging feels like
So far we have talked about agreements, definitions and studies, about everything you can work out rationally and talk through calmly on the sofa at home, but that explains only part of what you experience when you are finally there.
Once you are inside the club, desire, curiosity, self-esteem, insecurity and closeness mix in unpredictable ways, and for her, being desired can feel very different from what he feels when he sees others desiring her.
For her: being desired
For many women, the first thrill is being noticed, long before sex. With that comes the pleasure of expressing their sensuality without having to justify it or feel obliged to meet anyone’s expectations.
In a space where erotic interest is shown openly and a look can make someone’s intentions clear, feeling attractive takes on a special intensity, especially when she knows that she alone decides what to do with all that attention.
Being able to flirt without making any promises. Welcoming a conversation and turning down an invitation without having to explain. Enjoying the desire she inspires without anyone mistaking that interest for a claim on her body.
You can tell a good lifestyle scene not by how many people are willing to have sex, but by how naturally everyone accepts that someone does not want to.
There is also a wider social context. In Italy, data from Censis show major changes in the way women experience and understand sexuality. Over twenty-five years, the percentage of those who reported having had sexual experiences with three or more people rose from 0.7% to 6.8%. And the proportion of women who believe sexual pleasure can be separated from love increased from 35.7% to 56.4%[4].
These figures do not refer specifically to swinging, but they help illustrate a cultural shift in which women feel less pressure to express desire within traditional expectations.
For him: discovering her all over again
He is by her side, at the bar or dancing with her, when someone comes over to talk to her. He sees her laugh, push her hair back as she listens, and suddenly the woman he has breakfast with every morning seems like someone he has only just met.
One of the participants in the Polish study explained that he found his partner even more attractive when he saw how much others were attracted to her[1].
It is a feeling that can come as a surprise in long relationships. After years of shared routines, responsibilities and intimate familiarity, seeing her seductive side in a new setting can rekindle feelings he thought belonged to the start of the relationship, as though familiar desire had simply been waiting for a change of scene to let him see her as he did in those early days.
And now, just between us men, here is something nobody tells you, because it does not make for clickbait: you walk in expecting everyone to come looking for you, and ten minutes later you discover that she is the centre of attention. The looks, the smiles, the invitations to dance: everything revolves around her, and your role is to stand at her side, proudly if you are lucky. The sooner you accept it, the better your night will be, because seeing her shine like that is part of what you came for.
Being in it together
There are also couples for whom the most exciting part is the experience of doing something extraordinary together, whatever happens at the end of the night.
Choosing whom to approach, reading the signals, sharing a fantasy that until then had only existed in private conversations. Everything takes on a special meaning when the other person knows your story, your insecurities and even the little gestures that make words unnecessary.
In this way, swinging can bring a different kind of closeness to a relationship, beyond everyday intimacy, something each of you will remember in your own way, even when what stays with you most from the whole night is not explicit at all.
The social side
Life in a lifestyle club goes far beyond sexual encounters. Many of these venues also serve as social spaces for people who share similar attitudes towards leisure, the body and intimacy.
Verena Hug, co-owner of one of the largest lifestyle clubs in Switzerland, describes the club as a brief escape from everyday life. She says many guests come chiefly for the atmosphere, the dancing and the chance to socialise with others[5].
Over time, some encounters lead to friendships, dinners, organised trips or regular get-togethers at the same events. Some people build a real social life around this community, while others prefer to keep it as an occasional activity.
Many newcomers are surprised to see that you can take part in this world without every encounter having to lead to sex, and they discover that sometimes the most pleasant part is precisely that nothing is expected of them.
What about jealousy?
One question deserves particular attention, because it is often among the first couples ask when considering swinging: what about jealousy?
The answer is simple: you may feel it, and there is nothing unusual about that.
You can be comfortable, in theory, with your partner having sexual contact with other people and still find that your feelings take longer to catch up.
And where does it come from? Verena Hug herself links it mainly to two fears: losing the person you love, and feeling that you do not measure up to someone else[5].
These are different feelings, and it is worth distinguishing between them. Fearing that your partner might develop feelings for someone is not the same as feeling insecure at the thought that someone else might be more attractive in your partner’s eyes or give them a different kind of pleasure. Nor does every bout of jealousy mean the experience was a mistake. Sometimes it simply reveals a sensitivity you had not been aware of before.
What makes the difference is how it is handled. Some couples learn to recognise these emotions and talk about them without blaming themselves. Others realise that some situations are too hard for them and decide to change their agreements or stop altogether. Both responses are equally valid.
Jealousy does not go away by pretending it is not there. You begin to understand it when it can be expressed without fear.
The agreement: what to decide before going to a club
If anything separates a satisfying night from one that may leave a bad memory, it is how clearly you have agreed on your boundaries.
And those agreements should not be worked out in the heat of the moment, when it is much harder to separate what you truly want from what you agree to simply because you do not want to spoil the mood. Or, as I would put it to a friend:
Some decisions are best made when you are sure you are thinking with the right head.
What you decide at home
Before visiting a club, take time to talk about your expectations.
Perhaps both of you want to try it, but you may have completely different nights in mind. One may be thinking of meeting people and taking in the atmosphere; the other, of actually having sex with another couple.
So be specific about what you want to explore and what you would rather keep between the two of you.
Soft swap or full swap? Stay together throughout, or be open to going into separate rooms? How much do kisses matter? Would you be comfortable running into someone from your circle of friends, or would you rather keep those worlds completely apart?
Do not assume your answers will match.
Even couples who have been together for years may disagree about what feels intimate, exciting or too personal. For some people, a kiss carries far more emotional weight than some sexual acts. For others, the line lies somewhere else.
Nor do you need to draw up an endless rulebook. The essential thing is to identify the limits you do not want to cross, work out where you might be flexible and accept that your preferences may change once you are actually there.
Protection
Safer sex needs to be part of the conversation from the outset, and in the lifestyle it matters even more. Always use a condom with other people, and a new one with each person. Many clubs provide them free of charge, but it is always a good idea to bring your own: you never know what you will find, and nobody knows better than you what works for your body.
Talking about sexual health should not feel awkward in a setting where everyone is expected to act responsibly. On the contrary, it shows consideration for everyone involved.
Consent, at every step
Accepting an invitation, going into a room or starting to kiss someone does not mean you have consented to anything that follows.
Consent applies to each specific situation and can be withdrawn at any moment.
In a club that takes consent seriously, nobody should touch another person without their permission, insist after a no or treat a lack of objection as an invitation.
And exactly the same rule applies between you and your partner: agreeing beforehand that you might try something does not oblige you to do it, and it is perfectly fine to realise that something that seemed attractive at home no longer appeals when the moment comes.
Permission is not a promise.
The signal to stop
Many couples agree on a word, a gesture or a discreet signal that either of them can use when they need to stop or get out of a situation.
It can be as simple as tapping the other’s arm twice or saying a phrase you both recognise immediately.
All that matters is that its meaning is clear in advance and that it is honoured without question when the moment comes.
If one of you uses the signal, everything stops. That person does not have to justify the decision to anyone or feel responsible for ruining the night.
Afterwards, you can talk privately and calmly about what happened.
Your first visit to a swingers’ club: what to expect
The idea of walking into a swingers’ club for the first time can stir up an unusual mix of curiosity, excitement and nerves.
That is understandable. You do not yet know how the place works, the etiquette or what kinds of situations may come up.
Luckily, you do not need any previous experience. All you need is to choose your venue carefully and to understand that your first visit does not have to match what you had imagined.
Before you go in
The first step is to find out about the club.
Check its website, the admission rules, the kind of crowd it caters to and what is happening that night. Many venues hold themed events, each with its own atmosphere and social dynamics, so choose one that matches your expectations.
For a first visit, you may feel more at ease in a well-organised venue, with clear rules and a social atmosphere that makes it easy to get used to the space without feeling watched or pressured.
It is also worth checking the dress code. In the south of Gran Canaria it is more relaxed than in many clubs in Europe’s big cities, because most guests are on holiday: smart casual with a little care is enough, as long as swimwear and flip-flops stay at the hotel. Some clubs also ask you to change before entering certain areas, and on themed nights even a single detail or accessory that matches the theme helps you feel part of the evening.
There is no need to try to look more daring than you are. Choose something you like, that suits you and that you feel comfortable in. Self-confidence is usually far more attractive than any costume.
Inside
When you arrive, you will usually find a reception desk where staff check you in and the basic rules are explained.
Some venues will offer you a guided tour to show you the facilities: changing rooms, lockers, social areas and the spaces set aside for erotic play.
Discretion is taken seriously: many clubs do not allow phones or photos, so leave yours in the locker and enjoy being there.
From there, you can walk around, get a feel for how things work and meet other guests at your own pace.
There is no obligation to take part in anything. You can talk to someone without it being taken as a sexual invitation, watch in areas where that is permitted or simply enjoy the atmosphere.
If another couple shows interest and you do not feel the same way, a “no, thank you” should be enough. In the same way, if someone attracts you, just approach them naturally and see whether the interest is mutual.
If nothing happens, that is perfectly fine
If there is one thing I would like you to take away from all this, it is this: you can spend your first night at a club without kissing, touching or having sex with anyone.
You have discovered a new environment, seen how it works and noticed how it makes you feel, and along the way you have learnt something about yourselves. For a first visit, that is plenty.
You may love it and want to go back. You might find that you like the social side but are not interested in taking part sexually. Or you may realise that what was so exciting to imagine loses its appeal in practice.
These are all useful conclusions.
There is no prize for going further than you want to, and no obligation to make something happen just because you are already there.
The day after: the conversation that matters most
The next day, over coffee, with the night still fresh in your minds, it is time for the conversation that matters most.
Ask each other what you liked, what surprised you and whether anything made you uncomfortable. It is also worth talking about what you expected and what was different from what you had imagined.
Try to listen without deciding in advance what the other person is going to say.
Sometimes one of you will have had a great time and the other will have mixed feelings. Perhaps unexpected jealousy will surface, or you will notice that a boundary needs to be reconsidered.
You do not need to agree completely about every feeling. What does matter is that both of you can say how you experienced it without feeling that you are letting the other down.
And do not play down moments of unease just to preserve a perfect memory of the night. Discomfort discussed early can often be resolved through conversation; if it builds up in silence, it can end up affecting other parts of the relationship.
Then comes the inevitable question: do we want to do it again?
Perhaps you will, feeling more relaxed and much clearer about your preferences. You may want to try another club, change some of your agreements or stick to one particular kind of encounter.
But the answer can also be no.
Some couples try it only once, remember it fondly and feel no need to repeat it. They have satisfied their curiosity and made a decision together, and that too is a good ending.
Swinging is one more possibility among the many ways of experiencing intimacy, and it only makes sense when it is something you both genuinely want.
Swinger Pride will return to Maspalomas in 2027, but there is no need to wait for it to have your first swinging experience. Here in the south, the lifestyle scene thrives all year round: there is a swingers’ club open practically every night, the best-known ones seven days a week, and there are swingers’ hotels where many couples stay for a few days to enjoy the lifestyle during the day as well. If you would like to choose a club before you go, Me Time You Time has a guide to the clubs of Gran Canaria. Whichever you pick, you will meet people with years of experience and others who still do not quite know what to expect from their first visit.
Some will be looking for new experiences, others for a catch-up with friends, and some simply for the chance to finally take the step they have been talking about together for so long.
Not everyone will experience the same thing, and there is no reason they should.
What matters is not how far you dare to go, but that every choice is yours to make.
Author's note
I am part of the lifestyle, and many of the questions in this article were put to me by couples who were considering it; one even asked me to accompany them on their first night. What I write comes from there and from the little data available. The sources cited support the figures and findings I mention, each with its own limits: in-depth interviews work with small samples, and the Italian survey measures society as a whole. The rest is my own observation, and the couples who come as far as a professional are a group that has already selected itself.
Cited sources
- Werbiłowicz, M., Ślebarska, K. & Kocur, D. J. (2026). "If you wanna swing, you gotta have good foundations", Polish Psychological Bulletin. · No swinger in the study considers going to a club together to be infidelity; the line about a partner being more attractive in the eyes of others comes from their open answers. It also finds more secure attachment among the swingers than in the monogamous comparison group. ↩
- Kimberly, C. & Hans, J. D. (2017). "From Fantasy to Reality: A Grounded Theory of Experiences in the Swinging Lifestyle", Archives of Sexual Behavior. · Interviews with sixteen swinging married couples: communication at the heart of their satisfaction. ↩
- Anderson, J. R. et al. (2025). "Countering the Monogamy-Superiority Myth", The Journal of Sex Research. · Meta-analysis of 35 studies and 24,489 people: no significant difference in satisfaction between monogamous and consensually non-monogamous people. ↩
- Censis (2026). "Il piacere degli italiani. Sintesi dei principali risultati" (in Italian). · Survey of a thousand Italians aged 18 to 60, compared with the 2000 survey: experiences with three or more people and the separation between sexual pleasure and love. ↩
- SRF (2024). "Liebe ohne Tabus: «Im Swingerklub kriege ich, was zu Hause nicht geht»" (in German). · Interview with Verena Hug, co-owner of the largest lifestyle club in Switzerland according to SRF: the club as an escape, and jealousy as fear of loss and of comparison. ↩